National Orgasm Day

National Orgasm Day is Today!

So, how will you be celebrating? A little trip to Agent Provocateur to surprise the lady-friend? Well boys and girls, I’m going to tell you exactly what mischief I’ve got up to this National Orgasm Day! I know I’m blogging late tonight, but it’s only so I can tell you all!
I went to The Strand near Trafalagar Square to meet my folks for dinner. I know you’re wondering and yes it was a lovely dinner. Thai, since you asked!
I went out to a random bar afterwards and met this amazing girl. We snuck off rather quickly and got the tube. She was rather a dirty girl and was flashing me her tits on the tube! I was a bit worried that people were looking but she assured me that a. people weren’t and b. it didn’t matter! Needless to say I have had an excellent National Orgasm Day. Have you?
One guy who always guarantees an orgasm is my mate Danny Mountain. Watch him pound Suzie Best and Michelle B until they achieve the maximum celebration of today possible in this filthy video.

Big Tits VS small tits

It’s the age-old argument isn’t it. Bit like PC VS Mac. Both have their merits and their failings. We could debate this until the end of time, but I’m going to break it down for you here. There is no answer.

Different sized tits suit different purposes and tastes. Like how PCs are great for gaming and Macs are crap for that. Macs on the other hand are fantastic for high-end creative stuff and PC’s are, well, a bit poo on that side. Same goes for tits. You can’t have a tit-wank with small boobies but then, and I turn to the most unlikeliest of sources here, in the words of Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science “Anymore than a handful and you risk a sprained tongue”.

And look what came from those fictional pearls of wisdom in that film! The beautiful and perfectly busted Kelly LeBrock. I definitely had a crush on her in that film. What boy in the ‘80s didn’t?

Now I’m not easily shocked, but mastasia, possibly the ultimate antithesis of every 32A girl out there, really did catch me by surprise. For those that don’t know what mastasia is, it’s cartoonishly giant breasts. Breasts so large their nipples look a bit like knobs. It’s not really my cup of tea but it definitely gave us a giggle in the office this morning.

So I ask you to raise your morning cuppa in salute of breasts. Big tits like everyone’s favourite Cathy Barry and small tits like my personal favourite Angel Long All tits are brilliant basically.

Here’s my favourite small-tittied video for you in celebration…

And an extra-special morning busty treat for you to fear your eyes on!

Enjoy!

any hole’s a goal

“I didn’t lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls ‘the real way.’”

Sarah Silverman is the kind of girl we’d like to date. Not the kind of girl we’d like to spitroast you understand (obviously that’s our Carmel ) but more like a girl you could introduce to your mum and then take home be very very dirty with. She is hot; there is no denying that. But she’s hot in this weird way. Like, you really want to defile her, but in some ways she’s a total princess. It’s probably because she’s incredibly funny and just a little bit scary. Any girl that can get up on stage and talk frankly about masturbation, porn and anal sex and still make us double-over with laughter has to be a winner.

I think most of us have this preconception that all girls hate anal and that just ain’t the case, guys. Sarah, and all the statistics prove otherwise. Over 30% of hetrosexual couples regularly partake and this number is growing year by year. Is this because of the massive growth spurt in internet porn? If so, a massive pat on the back for us then! Anal has always happened but now it’s more socially acceptable. Woo! Anyway, here’s my favourite ever anal video to watch in celebration…

Who’s Tits Are These?

They say you’re either a tits or an arse man. I’m definitely a tits man. It’s better that way, I think, because I like them big or small, natural or enhanced. Which in my line of work is the best way to be!
That said, I’ve devised a little game to while away your Monday…

How well do you know your pornstars tits? Below is a series of images just of tits. All you have to do is match the tits to the pornstar! If you get really stuck then click on the image and you’ll find out your answer!

Here are the names of the pornstars featured:
Carmel Moore, Lolly Badcock, Michelle B, Donna-Marie, Starr and Cathy Barry.

Go on, have a go!

How well did you do? It was quite a lot of fun making this game so I might do a similar one soon

More countdown-ness

Oh yes, it’s that time of the week! Time for another installment of my countdown to the Top 25 Pornstar Jobs!
For those just joining us on this little endevour of mine, I realized that there could be a pornstar lurking behind every mundane job!
Catch up on the previous entries here:
Numbers 25-21
Numbers 20-16

15. Waitress
Everyone’s had a little crush on a cute little waitress. She brings you food. Amazing. Then you get to watch her toddle off to the kitchen and enjoy the sight of her bottom. Brilliant.
14. Butcher
Ok this is a bit fetish but imagine if your butcher was actually a pornstar.. how ace would that be?!
13. PA
She’s personal. She’s your assistant. She has to do anything you tell her to
12. Beautician
Imagine what your normal ‘Back, sack and crack’ could lead to…
11. Bus/train conductor
Mmm, I need no words here. Tammy Oldham says them all for me.

Ace. Bet you can’t wait for the next one!

position of the week

It makes me a bit sad that your average girl’s idea of being kinky in the bedroom doesn’t extend beyond ‘Cosmo’s Position of The Week’. Cosmo encourages ladies to ‘experiment’ but I think I’ve spotted a recurring theme in these positions. They mostly benefit the girl! Now, I’m all for girls enjoying their time in the sack but what happened to them wanting to pleasure us. Now, take Carmel Moore. There’s a girl who likes to pleasure her men. Blowjobs that is. I know I’ve mentioned this before but I want to touch on it again. Say for example you buy your special lady friend a pair of £70 shoes, you’d expect a lot of ‘gratitude’. At the very least a truly amazing blowjob. Girls these days don’t think they need to. I blame Cosmo. It teaches girlies to be somewhat self-serving in the bedroom.
Imagine how different our lives would be if girls got into porn as early as us men do. By that I don’t mean just having been exposed to porn young, I mean actually getting into it. Most girls I know were exposed to porn at around the same age as boys but didn’t necessarily seek it out in the same manner that teenage boys do. I genuinely think this is changing dramatically though. Think about it: when we were kids, most of us found porn on our parents vhs or magazine stash. Where do average boys find boys nowadays? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that’s correct: The World Wide Tinterweb. So does this mean that girls aren’t being exposed to porn at the same age? Will their only ideas of sex be from Cosmo??? Seriously guys, go home tonight and make your girlfriend sit down with you and watch some porn with you. Start her off with some Bare Back Mountain. All these ladies love pleasuring Dan Mountain and your girl could learn a thing or two. Then once you’ve got your point across, move her onto Whatever She Wants. Jay Snake loves giving these girls anything they wish. It’s all about give and take, people!
Rant over.

shaven… havens?

You’ve just to got to love Jayne in Dogging Diaries, shaving herself in the bathroom. However, it occurs to me that stubble round a girl’s lips is quite possibly the most unattractive thing ever. And that goes for both sets of lips, haha!

I do occasionally wonder, while I’m watching good ol’ Lolly get her bouche round a girl’s shaven slit, how none of them have shaving rash (obviously this is only a fleeting thought but a thought nonetheless). I’ve always wondered what the preferred ‘method of removal’ for a girl like Carmel Moore is but let’s be fair, even in my lofty employment position that’s a bit tricky to find out!

Personally, I prefer ‘em waxed. You can see exactly what you/they’re doing and it pretty good to look at too!

So, on this folical theme, I’ve decided to try my first poll. Firstly check out my amazing examples and then vote for which pubic hairstyle you like best.

SHAVEN EXAMPLE

WAXED EXAMPLE

TRIMMED EXAMPLE

HAIRY EXAMPLE

Poll: How Hairy Do You Like ‘Em?

Countdown Continued!!

Yes, I know you’ve all been waiting with baited breath but here it is: THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF MY AMAZING COUNTDOWN! Numbers 20-16 of the Top 25 Pornstar Jobs!

20. Receptionist.
All alone in the reception area… hands wandering under that big front desk… you know you’re thinking what I’m thinking!

19.Dentist.
You may think this an odd choice considering how many people hate going to the dentist but think about the logistics of it. Cute nurse in her little outfit and that chair does tilt all the way back after all!

18. Sales Assistant.
This may sound a little a bit of a boring job but I bet you’ve always wanted to have sex in a changing room. I know I have

17. Cleaner.
This is a bit more fetishist I guess, but c’mon. Naked except for a pinny and a pair of marigolds; I swear I’ve seen that in porn before.

16. Teacher.
Everyone I’ve ever met fancied at least one teacher in school. However, I doubt your teacher was Ben Dover in a dress and that you went to school with Carmel Moore or Lolly Badcock!!! You’ve got to love the genius behind St Teenycums!

Why are girls from Bristol so hot?

I think I might be developing a bit of a crush on Laura Michaels. Apart from being incredibly sexy in that girl-next-door kinda way, she’s also really dirty. I found her on Facebook earlier (c’mon, it’s what lunchbreaks were made for!) and needless to say I’ve friend requested her. I can’t wait to see if she accepts me!

She is really hot and she seems to do quite a lot of work with Cathy Barry. In fact, I found out from her website www.lauramichaels.net that Cathy actually discovered Laura while she was working in a bar in Bristol! How brilliant is that!

I’m really excited about the Laura Michaels night that’s coming up. I will definitely be staying in for that one. For now I’ll be satisfying myself with a recap of Maximum Perversion 4 for some girl on girl action with Laura and the gorgeous Michelle Thorne.

Just a little note in passing, feel free to add me on Facebook for up-to-date gossip and other interesting info. Just search for ‘James TVXMole McHallam’ and you’ll find me.

Faster Pussycat, tits, tits

I watched a really good film last night called Faster Pussycat Kill Kill. My mate is well into her B-movies and she reckoned I’d really like this one. She was right y’know! How can you not like three incredibly busty go-go dancers  wreaking havoc across the desert? I’ll be honest with you though, for a Russ Meyer film there isn’t really any nudity. However these girls kick so much ass you just don’t really care. Tura Satana is smoking hot as gang-leader Varla, with an attitude to match.

I heard recently that Quentin Tarantino is remaking this classic film and he’s found his lead pussycat already in the shape of American porn actress Tera Patrick. I’m glad he’s picking a porn actress as the role really does require someone who can be overtly sexually aggressive but I’m not sure if Tarantino really has the same breast-fixation that Meyer had.

Russ Meyer was the kind of guy who liked women with enormously large breasts. And this was in the days before plastic surgery! Now I think about it, ol’ Meyer would have been a massive fan of our Busty Brits. In fact, I seriously think Eleksis could very well be perfect for the role of Rosie. She’s got those dark mediterrean features, massive tits, tiny waist… I’m just not sure if she’s tall enough though.

Anyway check out Busty Brits Abroad 2 and let me know what you think